3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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