She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
