So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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