so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
