it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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