tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
