Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
