it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
