i already hear my dad disowning me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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