last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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