My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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