When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
