It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
