How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
