i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize