i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
