Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just google imaged poop.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
