just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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