you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
