I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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