fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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