I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
