I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
