Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize