textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
