How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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