It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
