the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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