I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
