Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
