trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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