You surviving the open bar?
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One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
