i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I stole a fireplace last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
