I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
