4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
