The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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