sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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