The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize