I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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