her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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