end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
as a side note pls kill me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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