i would punch a child for taco bell
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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