She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
