I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
