worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
