Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
