i just had sex bonerless
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
