I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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