my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That accounts for only three of the penises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
