The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
