DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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