I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
