So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
