Can Purell be used as lube?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
