you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
