I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The struggles of a small town man whore
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