hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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