i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
