Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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