I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He did a backflip because drugs
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