dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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