You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
