just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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