I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
