You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pants are for mortals
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
