Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
