pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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