I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
