I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
