We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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