do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
