My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
