I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
