highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
