false alarm. still invincible.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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